Fuyu no Hanabi
by twilightribbon
Summary: Forming a bond is more difficult than breaking one. I want to form a bond with you. See through my mask. Try to love a person like me even though its wrong. Because I love you. Do you think I'm kidding? I'm not. GinxTōshirō Yaoi. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

I wrote this because the pairing is totally cute and I'm taking a break from my other stories right now. Im writing the chapters of the current and new stories.

Anyways, here are the rules for this fic because Im not playing games:

1. Gin is friggin totally awesome and Tōshirō is here to share that awesomness.

2. Flame something else, flamers. You knew what you were getting into when you read the summary.

3. My story, my rules. Like these.

4. Story takes place before the Arrancar, Hueco Mundo, and Captain Amagai arcs.

5. This is one of many Bleach fics. Oh yes.

6. I take reviews in the form of text, song, essays and high-pitched squeals, and cookies.

Enjoy.

-- _M_

* * *

Fuyu no Hanabi

.o.

Chapter One

* * *

Shinso, I don't know what love is. Do you?

The thought of butterflies in your stomach, your heart beating wildly and not being able to figure out how this happened.

I've never experienced that. Up until now.

Amusing isn't it? I think I already was in love. But it was hard to come to terms with it. It was hard to even accept. After all, who would love me? The mocking, sadistic bastard. The evil, vile fox.

But I'm okay Shinso. I was never one to care about what other people though about me or said behind my back. He only mattered to me. And I knew that he would never talk about someone disrespectfully no matter who the were. It wasn't in him. He was better than that. Which only made me love him more.

Because despite my mocking, my, overwhelming and sickening presence, he was never afraid of me. He knew who I was and what I am. He just never bothered to think about me any more than he had to.

And that hurt a bit, Shinso. I wanted him to think about me more than often.

But I can't complain. Just being near him is enough.

---

"You're looking well, Captain Hitsugaya."

Tōshirō Hitsugaya looked up from his paperwork reluctantly to stare up at the grinning man looming over his desk. It was amazing. Then mad moved like a snake. He didn't hear him come in or sense his reiatsu. "Captain Ichimaru." He nodded in acknowledgement but was mentally preparing himself for what the man before him had planned.

"Not in a talking mood I see." Gin said in a put off tone.

"I am working, which you would be wise to do in your office not lounging around in mine." Tōshirō said coldly, placing his papers down and sitting back in his chair. "Is there something I can help you with?"

Gin leered and Tōshirō decided that was the wrong thing to say. "Yes actually." Gin leaned forward so the his face was close to Tōshirō, placing his hands on either side of the desk. "I need a drinking buddy."

Tōshirō glared at Gin and turned away. He expected this. It was always fun and games with this man. "Rangiku is out running errands before her lunch break."

"Rangiku?" Gin repeated and grinned pulling back and standing at his full height. "No no. I meant you."

"Me?" Tōshirō asked, blinking. _What the hell is going on? _Tōshirō asked him self. _Gin never looks twice at me. Why is he even talking to me now?_ Before Tōshirō could ask Gin, his office door was opened and Rangiku poked her head in.

"Captain, I finished the…Gin?" Rangiku said blinking as she stepped inside the room. "What are you doing here?"

It was Gin who answered first. "Looking for you." He smiled turning to her. "I need a drinking buddy."

Rangiku smiled. "No problem Gin. Drinking is my specialty after all!" She turned and exited room, talking about the best bar she knew, and walked towards the door.

Before closing, he caught Tōshirō's eye. "Another time then." And the door clicked shut.

---

All through the night, my thoughts were on Tōshirō, Shinso.

I really wanted to get a drink with him. But I have to remember to hide my feelings. He doesn't need me as a burden. But it was good to see him again, Shinso. It always is. I can't help it when I want to see him. It just makes me happy, even when I'm tired after my missions. The old geezer has been working me. Aizen too. I don't know how long I can evade him.

Oh well. Since when were things ever easy for me, hm?"

It's amazing how a child captured my heart, Shinso. So young yet wise. A prodigy, like me once. I think that's all Aizen see's in me. But I see life in Tōshirō. I see wonder, power, potential in Tōshirō. He protects life. Defends it, whereas I only kill and take it away.

How many people have we killed, Shinso? I've forgotten but that what Aizen wants me to do. Kill. I don't want to do that. What will Tōshirō think of me? Will it make me lesser than what I already am to him?

Do I even matter to him?

It's like I'm in a cage, reaching out towards his back. I want him to see me, _hear _me, and help me. Look inside me Tōshirō, that's all I ask. Love me. I need it so much.

I know I'm complaining Shinso, don't remind me. I know that I should just take the plunge.

But I fear rejection. And man graced by many years under his belt confessing his love to a child.

It's disgusting. He would see me as a pedophile rather than a captain. And I think I would die if he ever gave me a look filled with utter hate.

Funny. It's all funny. And everyone else thinks I want Rangiku since we're such good friends. I love her, but I'm not in love with her. I only want my Tōshirō. Tōshirō is the only one who can handle me. And you of course, Shinso.

I want to give him something.

So he can at least be aware of my feelings.

What, Shinso? No. I told you, I don't write anymore. That was my old life. Now I kill with the hands. What pen would want to held in such bloody fingers?

It wouldn't matter if it was anonymous?

That's a…good idea, Shinso. Thank you. You are always there for me. I'll write something for Tōshirō. Something that would make his day brighter. Put a smile on his face.

Maybe, I'll even get to see one of those smiles.

---

"Captain!"

Tōshirō, turning as he swallowed his morning black tea, blinked at his lieutenant running up to him. HE stood on patio of his quarters, far from his office. He decided to have something to drink as headed out.

"I found this," Rangiku started, pulling out a envelope addressed to him. "On the floor in the mailing room when I went to deposit the sealed notices this morning."

Tōshirō nodded as he accepted it. "Thank you. I appreciate you coming all this way, Rangiku."

Said person blushed lightly and waved her hand as if dismissing the comment. "Don't worry about it. " She turned and looked over her shoulder, "I'll see you at work, Captain."

Tōshirō sat down and place his cup beside him, opening the envelope. He pulled out a blue slip of paper with white and impressive cursive writing done by hand.

_I realize, now, that forming a bond is ultimately harder than breaking one._

_When I realized that, I want to form a bond with you. I wanted to become friends._

_But you're reading this. Is enough for now._

_So thank you._

_It's funny. How young you are. You hate anything childish and more so when someone treats you like one. A lot of people are scared to admit they're still children and everything to avoid it. But you have courage for admitting it and moving past it. You don't let that insignificant fact hold you down and keep you from doing what needs to be done._

_And I find that extremely inspiring._

Tōshirō blinked as he finished reading the note. This person knew him and described what he felt so accurately. But who could it be? When any person gets something like this, they automatically want to know who its from.

But this letter is his. It was addressed to him. Not to Momo or his grandmother. Something for him that he could cherish. He felt himself smile at the beginning of the warm feeling inside of him.

But not at the unexpected presence in front of him.

"You should smile often, Tōshirō." Gin grinned, leaning on the patio railing, shihakushou billowing gently in the autumn breeze. "Who knew it would take a love letter to make you smile? But I must say…" He placed a hand over his mouth, but Tōshirō could still hear the dark chuckle. "Aren't you a little to short for Rangiku?"

"I wasn't aware we were on a first name basis, Captain Ichimaru," Tōshirō replied coldy. "Rangiku and I have a purely platonic relationship and you would do well to keep your comments to yourself. What I lack in size, I more then make up in power. Want a demonstration?"

Gin grinned. "I wasn't looking for a fight, Tō-- Captain Hitsugaya. It was a complement." Tōshirō frowned inside when he saw Gin's grin droop a little, if possible. "It was a compliment and I do not have a problem with your size." He turned away before Tōshirō could reply, waving back. "You were always cute to me. Goodbye, Captain Hitsugaya. I hope the rest of the day finds you well."

Tōshirō blinked, startled. _Cute?_

---

Shinso.

It hurts.


	2. Chapter 2

Sweeeet. I actually got reviews!

Thanks for reading!

Im taking a break and typing Bleach fics right now so support me!

Time to cheer Gin on!

-- _M_

* * *

Winter Fireworks

.o.

Chapter Two

* * *

I've always hate that girl, Shinso.

Momo Hinamori, the sweetest soul of all the lieutenants.

Hn, more like conspiring, greedy little wench of all the lieutenants.

It's amazing how she crawls all over Aizen, leaking adoration and love from her pores, so much that she _stinks, _ but when she spots my Tōshirō, all of a sudden she's under his skin next.

I want her dead.

It angers me Shinso, the way she touches him and looks at him; whispering childish things in his ear that I know he doesn't give a damn about even though he's younger than her.

And then, there's the way she looks at me. When I pass by her, she gives me this look of utter smugness and a hit of amusement, like she knows how I feel about Tōshirō and there's nothing I can do about it. I know that there is nothing I can do about it every single time I go to bed and wake up alone, without Tōshirō by my side.

I don't need that midget constantly reminding me of the fact as she touches and acts like she cares for Tōshirō like he belongs to her.

He belongs to me.

There's a reason why people are so intimidated by me, Shinso. I think it's about time I gave little Momo a demonstration.

---

Mid afternoon found Tōshirō lounging in the one of the many tea houses in the Seireitei. Some were always vacant, and visitors were able to make their own tea, helping themselves to the variety supplied. Tōshirō had come to do just that also avoiding Momo for a bonus.

They were really such close good friends but now Tōshirō wouldn't hesitate to say the older girl was getting annoying. Momo had started clinging to him, touching him in all the wrong places. One would say she was hinting at things if she wasn't doing the same to Aizen. He was amazed at how the older man handled her presence.

Momo wasn't being like Momo at all. When they were kids and even up until now, Tōshirō always felt defensive and protective over Momo. But that didn't mean he had feelings of intimacy for her. Really now, she wasn't that desirable to him. She was still a girl and still hadn't filled out yet. Of course Tōshirō was younger but if you tried to court him, at least have a trump card.

Tōshirō watched the water boil. He wasn't sure if he was attracted to females at all. Rangiku's chest scared the hell out of him sometimes. It was just to much basically. Unlike Momo who had _nothing _and was under the pretense that she _something._

And then there was that letter from yesterday. Who could it be from? Momo was out of the question. She's too touchy feely to actually write something down. And more importantly, would he get another one? His hand brushed against the hidden pocket of his shihakushou, feeling the letter within. Tōshirō kept it with him at all times. He didn't actually dislike the warm feeling it brought.

"The water is ready, Captain Hitsugaya. I really don't want you to get a burn."

Tōshirō didn't even hear the kettle whistle loudly or when Gin appeared behind, reaching over him to turn the heater off. At such a close proximity, Tōshirō realized Gin smelled of fresh pine and…flowers..? Weird. He could never imagine a person like Gin near flowers. Gathering his revolve and ready to ignore Gin, Tōshirō reached for a cup for his tea.

Gin unfortunately had placed a filled, steaming one right on the counter in front of him.

Teal-emerald eyes met narrowed eyes suspiciously. "What is it that you want, Captain?" He turned his back and headed for the small tea table in the center of the room, getting situated on a cushion and blowing over his cup, expecting an answer.

Tōshirō missed the pause in Gin's movements when he accepted the tea and even missed a real smile instead of grin. He watched as Gin took a seat at the table in front of him. "I was simply bored walking around and here I found you." He took a sip of his tea, despite that it was still at an alarming temperature.

"You seem to be talking to me a lot lately," Tōshirō said. "Why?"

Gin executed that mysterious grin of his again. "You were always an interesting person." He turned his head slightly, diverting Tōshirō 's gaze. "I just find myself wanting to be around you more…"

It was awkward. Gin looked different somehow. Was something wrong? "Gin," Tōshirō said before he could stop himself, blushing lightly as Gin turned his gaze upon him once more.

"You said my name. Finally. With no remorse in it." Gin laughed lightly. "I want to hear you say it again, Tōshirō ."

Lost at words, Tōshirō only took another sip of his cool tea, silence filling the air. Moments later, Tōshirō jumped with Gin cursed as he turned to stare at the sliding door of the tea house.

Gin balled his hands into fists. "Looks like our favorite little plum tree's roots have found you once again, Tōshirō ."

Tōshirō blinked. Plum tree? But that could only mea--

The sliding door slid open loudly. "Shiro-chan!!"

Damn.

Momo flung herself onto the arm of Tōshirō, much to his and Gin's dismay. "I've been looking all over you! Aizen-sama told me I'd find you here with…him" Momo added coldly, glaring at Gin.

Gin simply laughed. Damn Aizen and his little jokes. He was the only that did cruel things for a laugh. Aizen was trying to take over. If he wanted a laugh, play chess with Kaname, not send the brat to him.

"Momo," Tōshirō started, "Gin is a captain. I'd appreciate if you would show him the respect."

Both Momo and Gin stared at Tōshirō. Was he even the same person? Momo spoke up first. "So you're on a first name basis now?" She huffed and tried to pout, which at the Gin snorted. Tōshirō was the only one who pouted cutely. "I wasn't aware you two were friends."

Before Tōshirō answer, Gin interrupted, propping his chin on his palm and grinning. "Why Momo," Gin said. "Did Captain Aizen send you to go meddle in Tōshirō's personal affairs because he didn't want you in his?"

When he saw Momo stiffen, the grin became more predator like. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh really now?" Gin fingered the rim of his cup with his free hand. "I have to give Aizen some credit. Even I would get tired of a flat chested little girl coming on to me every single day, but Aizen let you continue for months right? He was so nice to even acknowledge your feelings but even he has a limit." Momo was shaking now. Perfect "But you don't care do you? You think Tōshirō is going to be your little rebound? I'm afraid you'll have to reconsider your plans, my dear. Why don't go talk to Izuru, hmm?

Tears falling to the floor mat, Momo Hinamori dashed out of the room, her cries echoing outside. Gin shook his head laughing. "She was too easy, today." He took another sip from his tea.

"You bastard."

Gin froze. No. He forgot that Tōshirō was there the whole time.

"How dare you say that to Momo?!" Tōshirō was furious and Gin could feel it. "Don't you ever come near her again!" And with that, Tōshirō ran out and after Momo.

Gin swore Tōshirō made him have a heart, and now it just shattered into two. "Shinso," Gin said, covering his face with his hands. "I am such an idiot."

---

Shinso.

I want to die.

I couldn't help what I said. She was trying to take Tōshirō away from me. I got defensive.

..Just like he got defensive of her, I know Shinso…

..What? You're right. He didn't say not come near him again. Just Momo. Silly Tōshirō.

But I think I'll keep my distance away from him. I wouldn't be able to stand it if he looked at me with hate. I was so close. He called me by my name…We were actually having a conversation..He even drank the tea I poured for him.

It could have been drugged like you wanted it to be Shinso. But for that brief time, he trusted me.

But Hinamori had to ruin it all. Or was it me.

Damn.

I need to write something.

---

Tōshirō fell onto his futon with a heavy sigh. Today had been tiring. Piles of paperwork, Rangiku passed out drunk at her desk and Momo crying all night from what Gin said.

Gin.

He was different before Momo barged in. And then everything went back to hell.

Tōshirō rolled over and got comfortable for sleep, putting the days events behind him. Pulling the covers over him, something fell on his forehead and into his waiting hand. His heart skipped a beat.

It was another letter.

_I keep forgetting that you're a child and that there are a lot of things you can't give up just yet. Like friendship and loyalty._

_There no rush though._

_What I have for you can never come in between that._

_And I see that crying make you feel better at times in life. When you're like me, you tend to forget things like that._

_The last time I cried was when I was in the real world; truly alive. I cried as I died. I haven't done so since then. I keep everything in, my mask is a form or intimidation to keep everyone away. But I want you to see through it._

_I want you to see the pain in me. The sadness._

_No matter how hard you ignore it, block it, lock it away, the despair and grief attacks you again and again._

_But then I think of you, Tōshirō and in the same manner, hope and happiness returns with an impact._

_Tōshirō…_

_Thank you. _


	3. Chapter 3

Everyone's reviews were greatly appreciated. I just love getting reviews, they make me all warm and fuzzy inside. Haha. So thank you!

**fan girl 666 **- Its during the Soul Society Arc.

**.Sailor.L - **I absolutely adore reviewers like you, especially when they want to throw in an idea or two. Thank you so much, love! I'm known for choosing pairings some people aren't used to. I just look at things a different way and say, "You know what? Those two are cute together, I'll make a story on them." And wah lah, here is my plot bunny. (:

**Shirou08 **- I use Microsoft Works Word and insert the 'ō'; into my text from the special characters box.

So now, on with the story. And of course, I took your idea into consideration Mickey.

Enjoy.

-- _M_

* * *

Fuyu no Hanabi

.o.

Chapter Three

* * *

I feel so alone, Shinso. Of course you're always with me, but I feel so cold on the outside.

I don't know why I decided to eat breakfast in my quarters. I won't be able to see Tōshirō. But then again maybe its for the best. He's consoling that insufferable girl, Hinamori. What if I started crying whenever I saw it fit? Would he comfort me too?

I'm being selfish Shinso. I know that now. Tōshirō will never feel anything for me. Maybe he has eyes for another, maybe his heart has been captured by another. Maybe I'm supposed to be alone, hmm?

It's like a punishment.

I think, that I'm going to give up Shinso. I won't pursue him. There's too much…. There's a void between us.

And I'm perfectly fine with just admiring him from far away. The letters will stop soon. I cant have him believing I'm the girl of his dreams or something.

Tōshirō probably thinks it Hinamori.

Childhood friends finally fall in love. So sweet. Just thinking of it makes me sick. When the time comes and they do, I'll resign. I'll leave the Seireitei, the Soul Society, everything.

Don't hiss at me, Shinso. I just can't take it anymore!

…Shinso.

I'm sorry for yelling at you. It's just that I'm breaking down and no one can see it.

No one can see how their cold, mocking, sadistic Gin is breaking down.

They would love it. They would even help speed up the process. Anything to see me fall and shatter.

Especially Rukia Kuchiki.

She's so easily intimidated by me. I loved watching her shake with fear for no reason as I talked with her brother. But she's so annoying, trailing behind Byakuya like a pet. I liked Hisana better.

I remember, Shinso, when I would just talk to Byakuya about her when she was in the gardens. He tell me about this warm feeling, the light but needing touches and caresses, whispered affections. Byakuya made love sound like an addictive drug.

And I wanted it.

Hisana loved him and Byakuya loved her. He adored her in fact but was shy about it.

Which is really funny.

Byakuya.

Shy.

But I never envied him. He was my friend. And he knew of my feelings towards Tōshirō.

Other than her.

Yes I know Shinso, it's time to see her anyway.

---

Gin was on a roof above Tōshirō when he sensed him.

"Captain Ichimaru." Tōshirō deadpanned. "Looking for another poor defenseless soul to pick on?"

Gin slid of the roof and landed lightly in front of Tōshirō. His face held no mocking, there was no grin and his narrow eyes looked sad. Tōshirō even saw a flash of color of his eyes. Something was definitely wrong. He stood aside as Gin walked past him, slightly slouching.

"Good morning, Captain Hitsugaya," Gin said, anguish in his voice though Tōshirō didn't understand why. "May the rest of the day find you well. Goodbye."

When he was out a sight, Tōshirō grimaced and cursed. "Just what the hell is going on?!"

Gin made his way to the area of all the 4th Division members of the Soul Society. Dragging his feet up the steps to the main building, Gin sighed. Tōshirō. Tōshirō. Tōshirō. That was all in his head. It seemed like he truly hated him. A bitter harsh laugh came from Gin. "What will you do Tōshirō, if you never see me again?"

"Do you plan on leaving the Soul Society, Gin?"

Gin looked up at the doorway and bowed reluctantly. Bowing was never his thing. "Please excuse my words, Captain Unohana. I'm a bit stressed today. Did anyone come today?"

Retsu Unohana shook her head and stepping back, granting Gin entrance. "Usually it's only Momo. But now I see she's a bit busy with Aizen and Tōshirō."

Retsu lead Gin to the back room of the main house, which was connected to a garden. The room was filled with many flowers of all scents and colors. She sat at a table, Gin following suit on the opposite side. "You're awfully quiet today," Retsu said, placing some flowers on the table. "Is everything alright with Tōshirō."

Gin shook his head and smiled sadly. "I'm afraid I messed things up. But I can see they have feelings for each other. They'll fall in love. I must be happy for Tōshirō." He picked up a white rose, gazing at it thoughtfully as Retsu placed a small glass vase on the table.

"Lets see you make a cascading arrangement. Light and cold colors only." Retsu said. Everyone knew once a month, Retsu held ikebana or a flower arrangement class for her division. Not many show up, but Momo attended and even Gin came sometimes too, which surprised her. "Why are you so interested in this? I've never seen a man so…gentle."

Gin actually smiled as placed a white roses in the vase. "Flowers hold life. They are quiet and beautiful. They are there, just so you could admire them and take care of them." He began to place light pink roses in various spots. "I've killed so many with my hands Retsu. It's really comforting when I can take care of something, create something beautiful and full of life with the tainted hands instead of taking the life." Gin then placed calla lilies around the flowers. His arrangement was done. "I really wanted to impress Tōshirō, but now, its just good thing to know."

"I understand," Retsu said as she examined his arrangement. Gin had delicate hands, despite how frightening they look. He was so gentle with flowers and had an eye with color. Three classes and he was already a pro. "Gin…Are your really giving up on Tōshirō."

The pained look on Gin's face was heartbreaking enough. "Yes," Was the choked answer from him. "We're too different. I am not the one for him." He smiled after a few moments. "I'm letting him go and things will back the way they are. It's not like he ever knew of my feelings. It'll be easy to move on."

Being known for her sharp eyes, and knowing of Gin ability to hide anything, for the first time in her life, Retsu saw everything in Gin's eyes. Slowly she got up and sat beside him, embracing him in a warm hug.

How could Tōshirō not see how much pain Gin was in?

---

Retsu, is a mother to all in the Seireitei, Shinso. She helped me get over my guilt of being in love with Tōshirō. Not all of it, but I would never tell her that. She's so kind, helping everyone, I'm forever in her debt.

I planned to tell Tōshirō my feelings and then leave this place, without a glance back. If I could tell him, then maybe it could relieve some of this weight on my heart.

But every time I see him, the weight comes back at full force.

I love him Shinso. I really do.

But…What should I do?

---

It was midnight and Tōshirō sat on the roof his quarters, staring at the letter that was left on his desk after his confrontation with Gin. Usually, he figured things out. He was a child genius, a prodigy, and he still couldn't figure out was.

With a defeated sigh, he opened the letter.

_When you get older, you start to understand things you didn't before as a child. It could be something you said or did._

_But that's the problem._

_When you're older, you understand rather than regret._

_The world is veiled in darkness._

_People who want to erase the ignorant and arrogant self from their past life are truly selfish, not wanting face what they did._

_They don't cherish what's truly important. But I want you to. Be grateful for things, appreciate everything._

_Tōshirō._

_I cherish you._

Tōshirō absentmindedly brushed away the stray tear that fell from the corner of his eye. These letters…They were so deep. They made him think; not to take things for granted. And this one was right. He wanted to regret and understand at the same time.

Light footsteps brought him out of his reverie. Tōshirō could sense Gin's reiatsu this time; maybe he wasn't trying to hide since he was humming lightly to himself. Tōshirō pocketed the letter and jumped down behind Gin.

Gin turned around quickly, tensing defensively only to be shocked as Tōshirō hugged him.

"Gin," Tōshirō said. "I'm sorry."

Slowly, hesitantly, but surely, Gin raised his hands--

And hugged him back.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey all. Just one more chapter to go.

Quick question, should I do a story on the other hinted pairing in this chapter?

I hope some of you figured it out.

-- _M_

* * *

Winter Fireworks

.o.

Chapter Four

* * *

How could I ever think of leaving the Seireitei, Shinso?

I love Tōshirō too much to do that. Even if I never tell him my feelings, or if I get rejected when I do, I just have to be near him. Just being able to see him every day is enough for me. I can get by. Retsu said she would help me and be there for me, and Byakuya has been watching me closely too.

And last night, Tōshirō hugged me!

I was just taking a walk to clear my head and he just jumped down, said sorry and hugged me.

I'll admit it, I wanted to jump him and take him right there.

The feeling of him, pressed up against me, head against my chest. My dreams were nothing compared to this moment. Of course, I controlled myself, no thanks to your annoying hisses, Shinso, and hugged him back. I can be very civilized when I want to.

…I can! Ask Byakuya! He asks me to join him for tea sometimes if I promise not to fill his cup to the brim with sugar. And I, being the nicest person I can be, do not fill his cup with sugar and act civilized instead. It isn't my fault if I do. He drinks very bitter tea and keeps nothing sweet around when I visit!

Like my little koi. My Tōshirō is sweet!

…No I'm not on anything Shinso. Do you want to go play with Kenpachi?

----

Hinamori looked angry as hell, though she tried to hide it, smiling at Tōshirō from across the table. They were in Tōshirō's quarters, Hinamori was making him breakfast when Gin took it upon himself to join them.

Gin continued twirling a lock of Tōshirō's hair as he ate, oblivious to Hinamori's glares and Tōshirō's obvious irritation.

"Gin," Tōshirō gritted out. "Quit it."

"Why?" Gin swept his hand through the snowy white hair until his hand landed softly on Tōshirō's neck. "It so soft."

"Why are you doing this? I simply apologized to you."

"Hm?" Gin propped his face on his free hand, the other still on Tōshirō's neck. "Can't I be with the one I love?"

Hinamori dropped her rice bowl and Tōshirō froze. "W-What did you say?"

Gin smiled all the more 'lovingly'. "You heard me." He shifted, keeping his old on Tōshirō's and bringing him face to face with him. "In fact, I love everything about you." He let his free hand slipped through Tōshirō's hakama, caressing his skin. "Like your smooth skin…Your beautiful eyes and…" Fingers travel up to Tōshirō's lips. "Your lips. Something I've dreamed about really. I simply love yo--"

Gin was just too close. No one touched him like this. No one. He could feal his heart pounding against his ribcage. He couldn't breathe. "Shut up!" Tōshirō pushed Gin away hard. "You don't love me! You don't know what love is!" Hinamori stared at him, eyes wide and he stood walking to the door to his back room. Not in front of her! "I'm not even gay! You and me it's just…Disgusting!"

And the door slid shut.

Hinamori stood and ran to the door. "Tōshirō! That was harsh! Come out and apologize!"

"Why should anyone apologize to him? He doesn't that's for sure!"

Hinamori gasped. Tōshirō was going to far! "Tōshi--"

"His favorite pastime is killing, let him kill himself! That's what I would love!"

Hinamori turned around just as Gin stood. She felt herself pale immediately.

His eyes were open, and she wanted to close her own. The last thing she was him exiting the room before everything went black.

---

Shinso.

I can't breathe.

What am I doing? What is this?

…Tears? I don't remember the last time I cried.

What do I do?

---

Byakuya put down his cup of tea for the morning, feeling the familiar reiatsu and slid open his front door finding Gin. Eyes open with tears filling them, falling and falling. Only a few people knew what Gin really looked like, fewer being able to hold his gaze like Byakuya himself.

"Gin. Explain yourself." It was mandatory of him to say that, even though he already knew the answer as he let Gin inside. Tōshirō. No doubt that boy had gone too far this time. As Gin stood in front of the small tea table near the sliding doors that led to the porch and garden, he let Byakuya sit first and fell onto his lap, hugging him close.

Byakuya sighed. This was usual of Gin. He always crossed his line of personal space, but they were good friends despite what other people thought, and, he simply got used to it. Gin didn't look like it, but he craved touch. He needed reassurance, caring and loving emotions to swallow him up when he felt death again. So he came to Byakuya who in turn, needed someone to teach him how to see the world in different views and not just from a wealthy side. He was learning like Gin, how to care and act human.

Friendship was the first step. And then they became even closer.

This was how Byakuya found out about Tōshirō and how Gin found out about Ichigo. Friendship didn't stop Gin from laughing though, and it sure didn't stop Byakuya from hurting him.

"Everything went wrong, Chiki," Gin said after a while.

Byakuya paused in raking his fingers through Gin's hair, an act the Gin found comforting, because of that idiotic nickname. He chose to ignore it. Gin was trying to pull himself together. "What happened."

"I got to close. Said I loved everything about him and he said it was disgusting. That I should kill myself." A bitter laugh filled the room. "Truer words never spoken."

Byakuya shook his head and started to reassure Gin, telling him the opposite of what he thought as he started crying again.

Rengi Abarai paused on the porch, holding a few documents that needed seals. "Taichou…?" He could see Gin and and his captain together and..Gin was crying. The documents lay forgotten on the porch as the red head ran to find Rangiku. He found her in the lieutenants lounge with, surprisingly, a blushing Ichigo.

"Oh!" Rangiku started, seeing Renji. Ichigo saw him too and stood immediately.

"I'll, um, talk to you later..Rangiku." Ichigo said, heading for the door, trying to make a straight face. He nodded at Renji.

"I'm telling you, he likes strawberries even more!" Rangiku called out. "Just give it t him!"

"Shut up!" Was the enraged reply.

"Uh," Renji said, blinking. He didn't even want to try and figure out what those two were talking about. It involved strawberries so it was probably stupid anyway. "I just saw Gin crying at Taichou's quarters."

"Why?" Rangiku stood crossing her arms. Gin never cried. Never.

Renji stepped back a bit, a little intimidated. "I heard something about Tōshirō saying something harsh." Hopefully I did the right thing, Renji thought as he watched Rangiku curse and rant about love and storm out the room. Tōshirō was in major trouble.

After a while, Gin sat up, wiped his eyes, laughing a little shakily. "S-Sorry Chika. I got a little overworked, huh?"

"Don't worry about it. Tōshirō had no right to say that to you." Byakuya stood, walking towards the door. "Stay here. I have to go teach Renji a lesson about eavesdropping."

Gin nodded and forced a smile.

With one last scrutinizing glance, "Don't do anything stupid, Gin. I'll be back."

And then Byakuya was gone.

---

Tōshirō is right.

My love-- No me, I am disgusting.

A man falling in love with a child.

What he said today, everything was true. I can't get his words out of my head. I can still hear him. The yelling. It was so painful. Hinamori even defended me. I couldn't say anything. All I could is just sit there with my open in shock and hurt.

A mistake. Hinamori fainted at seeing me. Tōshirō will probably blame me for that too. She isn't like Byakuya, Sōsuke, or Ichigo. They can handle my gaze. I wonder, would Tōshirō be able to handle it too?

But I don't think I'll ever find out, Shinso. I have to fullfil Tōshirō's wish. I promised I would do anything that would make him happy.

I'm sorry Shinso. This is the last time for us. Thank you for everything. I remember when hollows fell before us. Even snow is falling outside, Shinso. It's so pretty. It reminds me of Tōshirō's hair. Everything has to fall sometime, I realize that now, Shinso.

Now I will fall before you.

Byakuya. Tōshirō. Goodbye.

And thank you.

Shinso.

Heed me once more, _Ikorose._

Shoot to kill.


	5. Chapter 5

Happy Belated Birthday, Tōshirō!

I couldn't upload the chapter yesterday because I had no internet. Sorry guys. I loved the reviews.

This isn't the last chapter. The next one is. XD

-- _M_

* * *

Fuyu no Hanabi

.o.

Chapter Five

* * *

I…Can't believe I said that.

Hyōrinmaru…

Can you imagine the pain it caused.

I didn't know what to say. I wasn't thinking! Momo was right there! What would she think?! We've been friends since we were little! Gin doesn't really love me. The person…The person who gave me those letters does.

I know I don't know who it is.

Of course it could be anyone, Hyōrinmaru.

I don't know how it excludes Gin! It just isn't him!!

I can here Momo calling. Probably trying to ask me out or see if I'm gay.

Am…I? Even if I was I wouldn't be with Gin. It just isn't right!

I don't know why, Hyōrinmaru. He's older! A-And he's a man. A-And he's killed so many people!

I just can't love him! I--

Did Momo just fall? I swear if Gin lays one finger on her I'll --

---

"Captain!"

The door slid open with a bang as Rangiku entered. Tōshirō was cradling Hinamori in his arms. She looked as if she had fainted.

"What happened?"

Tōshirō looked up at her, anger and sadness in his eyes. "I don't know. Ichimaru did something to her."

"Gin?" Rangiku knelt beside him. "That's impossible. He would never hurt Momo physically."

"And how would you know?!" Tōshirō yelled. "He kills just for the hell of it! He was probably going to kill Momo too!"

That did it. Rangiku's expression changed immediately as she stomped over to Tōshirō, pulling him up by his hakama. "You may be my captain, but I will not stand here and let you bad mouth my closest friend. Would you want me to do that to Hinamori? Do you want me to tell you what I _really _think of her?" Tōshirō stared at her like she had two heads. "You do not know Gin like I do. You and no one else has bothered to get know him like Captain Aizen, Captain Byakuya and me have."

"Ran--"

"No!" Rangiku screeched, cutting in. "You need to understand! It's only you! No one else!" Rangiku was panicking. What if Gin hurt himself? Why was her captain so stupid even for a prodigy? "Gin has a heart, Captain Tōshirō! You hold it! Gin fell in love with you!"

"Release me Matsumoto!" Tōshirō yelled. "You seem to forget that I am your superior and you have no right to interfere."

Rangiku bit her lip as she watched him pick Hinamori. She knew she had went to far but he needed to understand. And she guessed he didn't. What was she going to do. What was Gin going to do?

"I'm going to the medical district." Tōshirō walked passed her, without even looking at her. "I will deal with you later, but you're suspended, on hollow duty for two weeks."

Tōshirō walked through the west wing of the medical quarters, looking for Unohana. And he found her, gracefully walking down a hall, anger in her eyes.

"C-Captain Unohana!" Tōshirō called out. "Momo needs help!"

Unohana turned, looking at him coldly. "Hitsugaya, I have other patients to check on and I am not the only one here with medical capabilities. There are other soul reapers around."

Tōshirō blinked. What the hell was wrong with her? He had never seen this side of her. He was cut off before he could answer.

"Place her in one of the vacant rooms down the hall and I'll make sure someone will see to her shortly. May the rest of your day find you well." Unohana nodded at him and left Tōshirō in awe. Didn't Gin say that to him? He turned, a few moments later, and did what was told. He found a free room and laid the girl on the bed. Tōshirō sat in one of the chairs beside the bed sighing and putting his face in his hands. "I'm so sorry Momo."

"Shouldn't you be apologizing to Gin?"

Tōshirō's head shot up at the weak and timid voice. "Momo! Are you okay?"

Hinamori nodded and sat up a bit, still dazed from before. "I'm alright. I just fainted."

Tōshirō's face hardened. "Because of Gin."

"No," Hinamori said at once. "Because of his eyes." She looked away from the disbelieving look on Tōshirō 's face. Afterall, no one they knew had seen Gin's eyes. And the funny thing is, Momo couldn't remember how Gin's eyes actually looked. But she remember the pained and lost look in them. Tōshirō had to fix things. "When you yelled at him, you hurt him, Shiro-chan."

"It was his fault!" Tōshirō yelled, standing. "He was groping me and acting like he was in love with me!"

"But he _is_ in love with you, Tōshirō," Hinamori said, pleadingly. "And I didn't want him to have you. But now I see, Gin needs you. And you need him."

Tōshirō was lost on what to say to that. Didn't Momo hate Gin?

"Everyone in the seireitei noticed how Gin was changing. Even I realized it when Izuru told me. Gin had actually asked Izuru about love and relationships. Izuru said that his face takes on a gentle and forlorn look. The sneer and the smirk is gone."

Tōshirō glared at the floor. He doubted that. He could never picture Gin _gentle_.

Hinamori sighed. "He loves you. And I can accept that. But you can't. Somehow, he knows more about you than me."

Tōshirō looked up at her with shock. Impossible. "Momo, that's not--"

"Yes. He does." Hinamori said, cutting in. "Like when we're in the food hall, I thought I knew your favorite foods, but I realize you don't have any. You like certain things added."

Tōshirō nodded. "And you brought them to me."

Hinamori looked at her hands. "No. Gin did. He knew how you hated when he sat next to you so he would fix up the food and tell Izuru to give it to me so I could give it to you. I didn't get at first, but when you smiled at your plate, I caught on. You never smile at what I give you."

Tōshirō scoffed. "He doesn't know how I take my food."

Hinamori sighed. "He knows what types of herbs you like in your rice. He knows that you hate leeks in your miso. He knows what meat you like in your oden. He knows that you like more pork and less fish cakes in you ramen. He even knows which fruit and how much sugar you like in your tea."

Tōshirō sat in the chair. Stunned. He hadn't told that to anyone. Not even Momo. Yet that fox faced bastard knew?!

"Even though we can't see his eyes, Gin is always watching. Especially you, Shiro-chan." Hinamori sighed. "I remember when Rangiku was going to give you a hollow extermination area assignment from Yamamoto-sama. I saw Gin stop her and take the pass and leave."

Tōshirō gripped the arms of the chair. He remembered when Yamamoto made a toast for him at dinner. He made it sound like a big assignment and Tōshirō didn't even know what he was talking about. And then Gin had patted his shoulder, smiling and congratulating him. Tōshirō wasn't even looking at him, he was looking at the blood seeping through on the side of Gins hakama.

"You saw the blood right? Izuru had to take Gin to Captain Unohana's residence." Hinamori stared at him. "I heard there were a lot of hollows in that area. He did it for you, Tōshirō. Gin didn't want you to get hurt. He loves you, Tōshirō."

Tōshirō's head was starting to hurt. He just couldn't accept this. "Momo. Stop." He stood. "I need to take a walk. I'll be back." As Tōshirō shut the door behind him, he saw Renji's flaming red hair down the hall. "Renji? What are you dong here?"

As the redhead turned to face him, Tōshirō immediately regretted asking. Renji was sporting a black eye and a busted lip. Apparently, as Tōshirō walked towards him, Renji was trying to stop up a nosebleed. Did he get into a fight with Ichigo or something?

Renji blinked and winced when hi tried to smile at Tōshirō. "Hey. And before you say it, no, I did not fight Ichigo. Taichou beat the crap out of me for eavesdropping. I would prefer his zanpakutou to his fists anyday."

"Where is Captain Kuchiki anyway?"

Renji stared at Tōshirō for a while until he pointed to the door he was standing right in front of. Duh. "Captain Aizen is with him too. We don't know how long Gin has left."

Tōshirō felt himself pale at Renji's words. Gin?! The door slid open loudly as Tōshirō stormed in the room, ready to yell. He found Gin unconscious in a bed, monitors eerily beeping, Byakuya sitting down in the chair, holding Gin's hand while glaring at Tōshirō, and Sōsuke standing on the opposite side of Gin's bed glaring at Tōshirō also.

"May we help you, Captain Hitsugaya?" Byakuya asked coldly.

Tōshirō's eyes never left Gin abnormally pale face. Did he lose blood? "W-What happened?"

"Attempted suicide on your behalf Hitsugaya," Sōsuke said, malice in his eyes. "Didn't you want him dead? I'm sure you were aware that he would do anything to make you happy."

"So are you happy now?" Byakuya asked.

"I'm…I'm.." Tōshirō started shaking suddenly, tears filling his eyes. He didn't what was going on. He didn't understand these feelings. All he knew was that--

Gin

Could not

Die.

"No!" Tōshirō stumbled towards Gin's bed. "H-HE can't die. He just can't!"

"Does it matter?" Sōsuke interrupts. "You wanted him too."

"No! I-I was afraid!"

"Afraid of Gin?" Byakuya asked. "Or afraid of him loving you?"

Tōshirō said nothing as the tears fell. He fell to his knees as he gripped Gin's bed covers. Sosuke smirked and lifted his zanpakutoua fraction up from its hilt. Tōshirō's heart stopped just as the monitor stopped beeping. Darkness overtook him as he screamed the first thing that came to his mind.

" _I love you."_


	6. Chapter 6

Well this is it. The final chapter. Sorry it took so long, my life has been hectic and I feel different. So after this fic, I'll be changing my author name and profile.

Enjoy.

* * *

Winter Fireworks

.o.

Chapter Six

* * *

It was cold. And windy. He stood on icy ground, the landscape was unknown. He wasn't in the seireitei. He wasn't in Gin's room.

Tōshirō's short pants were visible as he looked around. Where was he? He could only remember Gin. And the monitor when it suddenly stopped beeping. Did he die too?

"Tōshirō."

The snowy haired male turned at the booming, echoing voice. It was cold but it was recognizable. Teal eyes widened as icy blue coils of the huge serpentine dragon circled him. Glowing red eye stared down at him.

"Hyōrinmaru." Tōshirō said lightly. It came together now, he was in his inner world.

"Do you know why you are here, Tōshirō?"

Silence.

"You are a coward. And you would do well to believe me when I say that I refuse to be wielded by a coward."

Tōshirō blinked, obviously confused. Never had his zanpakutou complained about his prowess, his skills. He had never been week.

"Physical power is just as important as emotional power," the dragon said, reading Tōshirō's mind. You cannot control me if you do not have control over both of these factors."

Tōshirō let out a shaky breath. "Gin."

"Indeed. I have kept quiet over your behavior, thinking you to be wise enough. But when a zanpakuto is forced to kill his holder, things have gone too far."

Tōshirō looked down at the ice, as Hyōrinmaru spoke. He couldn't say anything. This whole situation, Gin's death was his fault. All because he was too childish to open his eyes. It was all his fault. The guilt was tearing him up inside.

"Did you want Gin to die, Tōshirō?"

Teal eyes forcefully met crimson ones. "No!"

"You knew of his feelings yet you reacted harshly to him. Was it for Matsumoto?"

Tōshirō shook his head, biting his lip. When Hyōrinmaru asked for the reason of his actions, he replied, "I-I don't know."

Ice fell and shattered loudly on the ground as the dragon shifted in irritation. "You _do _know, boy. You are _afraid_."

Tōshirō closed his eyes.

"You know what is right and wrong Tōshirō Hitsugaya." The shinigami flinched at use of his full name. "This act of foolishness is uncharacteristic in contrast to your normal self."

Eyes opened. "I know."

"Then what are you going to do about it. Gin wasn't the only one hurt in this predicament."

Kuchiki. Aizen.

"I-I'll apologize," Tōshirō said solemnly.

"And?" Hyōrinmaru asked, wearily. Tōshirō looked up then, at a lost on what to say. "What will you do if Gin was alive and breathing again?"

Tōshirō sighed, closing his eyes and picturing him.

"I'd love him."

.----.o.----.

Tōshirō jumped at the feel of arms holding him. It was the same patient room. Gin's room. Kuchiki and Aizen weren't there though. Tōshirō stiffened at the light chuckle that filled room.

"And sleeping beauty awakes. And here I was, about to steal a kiss."

Tōshirō pushed away and jumped out of the bed hoping that his blush wasn't at all visible. Gin sat there in the bed, perfectly healthy, smiling at him. No trace of discomfort, wounds, nothing. As if he hadn't tried to kill himself.

"You're okay."

"Mhmm. Did you miss me?" Tōshirō's reply was interrupted was interrupted with a bitter laugh. "Don't answer that. Of course not. I heard Matsumoto was released a while ago, why don't you go see her?"

"No."

Tōshirō's stern reply startled Gin, making the taller man jump and turn. "Pardon?"

"I'm sorry," Tōshirō whispered. "For everything I did. For everything I said. I'm not afraid anymore." He felt his throat tighten with every word. Tōshirō closed his eyes. "I. Love. You."

Silence fell over the room but Tōshirō swore his heartbeats sounded like thunder.

Tōshirō jumped, suddenly, when fingers caressed his face. He hadn't even heard Gin leave his bed. Lightly his face was pulled up and Tōshirō answered the silent plea, opening his eyes only to meet ones of a striking color.

Gin leaned down, and when his lips were an inch away from Tōshirō's, he quietly said, "Are you sure?" After a nod, the two finally shared a kiss. It wasn't cold, like the season outside the window. It was explosive and bright, like fireworks at annual festivals. It was filled with longing, passion.

When Tōshirō looked up at Gin again, he knew that everything would be alright.

Gin knew it too, and smiled.

"I love you, too."

* * *

**END.**

**Fuyu no Hanabi**

* * *

**  
**

And we're done! Thank you for reading this little ficlet and standing behind me 'till the end. Your reviews helped a lot. I promise more fics and faster updates soon.

'Till next time,

- _Makibishi_.


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